Faith Developments

by Andrea Heier

Putting Family First has now upped the ante! Instead of dedicating one night, March 7th, to family time, that day is now the kick-off to 21 days of intentional focus on what is good for the family*. Called the Putting Family First Challenge, the goal for each family is to daily spend 21 minutes of family table time (meal time, games, vacation planning, etc.) and go to bed on time for 21 consecutive days. Now that is a challenge!

What is Putting Family First (PFF) and why should we as UUs care? The mission of this grassroots, community-wide organization is to raise awareness about finding balance in our over-scheduled lives. Whether you are a family of one or twenty, whether your family resides with you or consists of a circle of close friends and mentors, you can likely relate to feeling constantly “busy’ – so busy that you are neglecting important values and connections in your life. Unfortunately this often includes lack of development of the spiritual connection and values that ground us, in addition to neglect of the community of support for it. PFF advocates that this balance has become gravely out of whack for all social classes, and resolving this requires a public, grass roots movement generated and sustained by families themselves.
The Putting Family First Challenge is based on the conclusions of behavioral scientists and other experts:

it takes three weeks to establish a routine
getting enough sleep and sharing time together each day builds healthy and resilient families
close family relationships build the very foundation of healthy child development.

However you define your family make-up I encourage you to try elements of this challenge. You can obtain full-size copies of the calendar in the RE hallway.

And what are the rewards? Beyond a stronger, connected, healthier, happier family, there are also prizes including getalways, dinners and other surprises! So do pick up a calendar and try this challenge, so aptly named! It will open your eyes and warm your soul!

Andrea Heier is the Religious Education Director of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Minnetonka in Wayzata, Minnesota.

by Lois Cole

Recently, I explored the history of reason in Unitarian Universalism for a class paper. My research took me all the way back to the Middle Ages, when Christian society anxiously embraced the rational works of great pagan philosophers like Aristotle – its inheritance from the Roman Empire – in trying to find solutions to problems in theology. Cathedral schools were established, and then their more secular offspring, universities were invented in the 1200’s, fully institutionalizing reason and what one scholars calls, the “culture of poking around” that still pervades the West. This chain of events resulted in all the grand achievements of Western Civilization: the nation-state, parliaments, democracy, commerce, banking, higher education, various literary forms, novels, history, corporations, legal systems, and modern science.

I’m sure if I went as far back as our Judeo history, I would have also found plenty of evidence of reason. Obviously, we like reason, and we find a purpose for reason in religion. UU minister Forrest Church writes in the UUWorld: “Religion is our human response to the dual reality of being alive and having to die . . . Because we know that we are going to die, we question what life means . . . for most of us, knowing that we are mortal inspires a search for answers that will remain valid in spite of our mortality. If religion is our response to the dual reality of being alive and having to die, the purpose of life is to live in such a way that our lives will prove worth dying for.”

It seems Church is saying religion is about two things: searching for meaning and living meaningfully. Which brings us to the other player in religion: faith. Reason can help us arrive at our faith, our beliefs and how they inform the way we live. There is also the element of faith that is about the experience of being a part of something larger – whether through nature, poetry, or community service. Forrest Church refers to faith as the spirit of “awe and humility.” Without it, we would approach religion like a “taxidermist, not a worshiper,” investigating the wonders of life like a “blindered lepidopterist might a butterfly . . . netted, chloroformed, and mounted for observation” and able to “conclude that butterflies don’t fly.”

Interestingly, our young people are often challenging us to think about faith. Not too long ago, I got an email from a parent of one of our teens, sharing that while his daughter enjoyed her class, she would like to have some discussion that makes the connection between faith and what they are doing and why it is important to Unitarian Universalism. Our younger children often ask for stories from our tradition and answers about what Unitarian Universalists believe. Some want to talk about God, which usually results in our scurrying for UU pamphlets and books with titles like “When Others or You Say ‘God’.”

But we are making efforts to address our young people’s needs. At our recent teacher mid-term luncheon we talked again about the importance of rituals in our classes – an opening, chalice lighting and words, the sharing of joys and sorrows, a closing – in connecting us to something larger, our faith and our community. We looked at a new children’s book put out by the UUA, Unitarian Universalism Is a Really Long Name, which gives simple, yet poignant answers to such questions as Who are we? What do we believe? How do we worship? Who leads us? We are planning to order in bulk to make it available for families. We spoke about working with youth on elevator speeches, where in 45 seconds – as long as it would take to go from the sixth floor to the lobby – they would answer a stranger’s question of what is Unitarian Universalism. We spoke of the need to work on our own elevator speeches, so that we too can be more actively engaged in our faith. After all, isn’t the key to a vibrant faith an active engagement of mind and heart?

Lois Cole is the director of the lifespan religious education program at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Iowa City.

by Andrea Heier

Happy New Year! I hope it is a promising one for all of you, for the Unitarian Universalist Church of Minnetonka and UUCM’s Lifespan Religious Education program. With each new year I find myself analyzing not only my personal life but also my professional life in terms of what I could be doing better. Granted that my natural outlook tends towards the “glass half-empty” perspective, I find myself annually concerned about how our particular variety of faith supports developing individuals of all ages. I fear that the Doonesbury cartoon used by Richard Gilbert in his General Assembly Fahs Lecture captures a kernel of truth about the weakness of Unitarian Universalism:

Harvey, the conservative, states to Mark, the 60’s liberal, “You liberals are hung up on fairness! You actually try to respect all point s of view! But conservatives feel no need whatsoever to consider other views. We know we’re right, so why bother? Because we have no tradition of tolerance, we’re unencumbered by doubt! So we roll you guys every time.” Mark responds, “Actually, you make a good point….” To which Harvey grins and says, “See! Only a loser would admit that!”

Though I would hardly call Unitarian Universalism a loser religion (au contraire!, I feel it has “saving” potential), I would say that we may be losing children, youth and adults for two basic reasons: 1) the emphasis on individualism over commitment to a greater common good through the community, and, 2) plain and simply, the low expectations of participants of all ages. The classic example, with which my own family has struggled, is the soccer, hockey, or basketball practice or game that wins out over church attendance on Sunday morning - not to mention the “need to sleep-in.” To be fair, the family unit has suffered likewise.

I don’t make this point to be mean or critical of any individuals because the pace of life has us all tightly in its grasp. But I would suggest that change is possible if we are willing. If you too have felt the saving grace of Unitarian Universalism, if you honestly hope your family members remain UU throughout their lives and if you wish UUism to be there for others, change is necessary. And what does that mean? How does one become a “good” UU.

The Vision Statement of the UUA’s Lifespan Faith Development Staff Group provides a clearer sense of what that could mean.

We envision children, youth, and adults who:
Know that they are lovable beings of infinite worth, imbued with powers of the soul, and obligated to use their gifts, talents, and potentials in the service of life;
Affirm that they are part of a Unitarian Universalist religious heritage and community of faith that has value and provides resources for living;
Accept that they are responsible for the stewardship and creative transformation of their religious heritage and community of faith;
Realize that they are moral agents, capable of making a difference in the lives of other people, challenging structures of social and political oppression, promoting the health and well-being of the planet, acting in the service of diversity, justice and compassion;
Recognize the need for community, affirming the importance of families, relationships and connections between and among the generations;
Appreciate the value of spiritual practice as a means of deepening faith and integrating beliefs and values with everyday life;
Experience hope, joy, mystery, healing, and personal transformation in the midst of life’s challenges.

For some this language, this vision, may seem radical and unreasonable: “obligated”?, “responsible for stewardship”?, “moral agents”?, “integrating beliefs and values with everyday life”?, “personal transformation”?

How about you? Is this the religious person you ultimately wish to be, to work toward becoming?

It is a New Year and soon UUCM will adopt a new mission. What will our vision be for ourselves as Unitarian Universalists? I look forward to sharing this discussion with the Lifespan RE Ministry, the Board of Trustees and the church as a whole as we forge forward to what I hope will be a certain future. Nothing wishy washy about it!

Andrea Heier is the director of religious education at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Minnetonka.

by Jill Schwendeman
Good communication between youth and the adults who care about them lets teens know they are valued, loved, and safe. It helps them learn to identify their feelings and engage effectively with others. Research shows that open communication between parents and youth provides a preventative influence in the areas of smoking, violence, drug use, sexual behavior, and more.

But there is a gap between generations. A Columbia University study found that 80% of parents thought drugs and alcohol were most often not available at parties their teens attended, while almost half of the youth reported being at a party where drugs or alcohol were offered while a parent was present.

Here are a few tactics for parents who want to keep the conversation flowing (Teens, you can try these with your parents, too):

Be available. Make time for family meals. Have fun together. Set aside periods when phones, TVs, computers, iPods, and games are off. Set a time to talk. Recognize and thank your teen for trusting you to listen. Avoid globalizing or blaming. Pay attention to tone and body language. Encourage teens to express their feelings. Be ready to hear opinions you may not agree with. Don’t shy away from talking about tough topics like guns, drugs, alcohol, sex, and cigarettes. Encourage teens to think things through out loud, without lecturing. Get to know your child’s friends and their parents. Be a role model for positive communication. Be a parent, not a pal. Demonstrate good decision-making strategies, such as defining the problem and looking at constructive solutions. Don’t pretend you have all the answers, and admit when you are wrong.

Get help if you see warning signs such as aggression, substance use, extreme withdrawal, increased defiance, changes in appearance or interests, or continued talk about death, depression, or suicide. Take your teen’s mental health seriously.

Adolescents’ ongoing identity development, testing of boundaries, and increasing independence from their families can make communication difficult. Even youth and parents who have a great relationship may find that certain times or subjects are difficult. Conversation may be stifled by fears, over-scheduling, stress, or the ever-present electronic gizmos. Frustrated parents may turn to verbal abuse: name-calling, criticism, blaming, boundary violations, screaming, threats, sarcasm, or giving their teen the cold shoulder.

Techniques that can help include: counting to 100 before responding, stepping away from the conversation, labeling your feelings rather than attacking the other person, taking part in a support group, journaling, and staying focused on the present moment Spiritual practices and the religious community can also be of help. Keep trying; don’t give up! If you can develop a vision of positive and healthy communication with your teen, you’re half way there.

Jill Schwendmeman is director of youth programs at White Bear Unitarian Universalist Church in Mahtomedi, Minnesota.

by Jan Devor

Most of our children and youth love Sunday School and the youth programming here at FUS and bring their parents to church...but I have heard tell of children who ask the question, "Why do I have to go to Sunday School." And I would like to propose a response...

Child: "Why do I have to go to church?"

Parent: "Because that is what this family does on Sunday morning."

Parent internal thinking: Because we all need to go and be in a community that is seeking the right way to live in this world and has social justice as part of its mission.

Child: "But why do I have to go every Sunday?"

Parent: "Because that is what this family does on Sunday morning."

Parent internal thinking: Because you don’t miss a day of school, and you don’t miss soccer practice...why would you miss out on developing your character and your sense of right and wrong?

Child: "Why can’t I just stay in bed one day a week?"

Parent: "Because going to church is what this family does on Sunday morning."

Parent internal thinking: We go to church to be reminded that there is diverse religious thinking in this world and we need to open our minds to new thoughts. Children from all parts of this area contribute ideas from their perspective, can broaden your thinking and help you think about how to live your life.

Child: "Why can’t we skip just today?"

Parent: "Because going to church is what we do on Sunday morning."

Parent internal thinking: Because to miss a Sunday would break the bond of community that we are trying to establish and you would miss out on information and thinking about a topic that won’t be repeated.

Child: "But why do we always have to go?"

Parent: "Because that is what we do on Sunday morning."

Parent internal thinking: Where else can you learn that social justice is an important part of life and that even as a child you can contribute to helping in this world.

Child: "But can we go out for a special lunch after church?"

Parent: "Sometimes"

Parent internal thinking: But we will always talk about at lunch what you did in Sunday School and what we learned or thought about in Assembly. Recapping is a great way to cement the importance of what we all learned or thought about.

Lots of times it isn’t the right time to go into depth about why you are choosing church and specifically the First Unitarian Society. Just sticking to your position is what is called for at the moment...but in quieter times you could share with your child some of your reasons for going to church and this church in particular. This is a demanding time in our culture and we need as parents all the support we can get to raise healthy children and youth. Why do this parenting thing on your own? The Search Institute concurs that having a religious community in your life is one of the assets that contribute to a successful young person. Sunday school and the youth programming is here to support you!

Jan Devor is the director of religious education at the First Unitarian Society in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

by Lori Allen

All shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
--Julian of Norwich 1342-1416

Julian of Norwich, a Christian Contemplative who lived long ago, believed in the absence of wrath in God, the goodness of creation, the equality of the sexes, and a God that encompasses both male and female aspects. Her famous quote about all being well is one of my favorites, and one that often creeps into my unconsciousness. Recently, I have found myself repeating the quote, as if a mantra, upon waking, during the day’s quiet moments, and then again upon going to bed at night. This mantra is a strong reminder to me that no matter how formidable a task or situation may seem, all can eventually be well.

In these times peace and non-violence in our larger global community seems impossible or improbable, environmental issues overwhelm our thoughts for future generations, and perhaps our personal lives are awash with pain and sorrow. How can we possibly think that all will be well? For me, this hope and feeling of well-being seeps into my psyche in small doses and at unexpected times. One of those hopeful moments came this week when I heard John Dickerson of Slate online magazine interviewed on an NPR radio station. He gives us encouraging news about the Christian Coalition and their association, or rather the beginning of their disassociation, with GOP politicians. In talking about Ralph Reed, former head of the Christian Coalition and his relationship with Jack Abramhoff, Dickerson says

...what many devout Christians have argued since conservative social activists became a force in national politics in the 1970s: Engaging in worldly political maneuvering is ultimately debasing. Promises made at election time go unfulfilled until four months before the next election, and then suddenly Republicans are talking about gay marriage again. Hearts are better changed one at a time in the churches than through elections or legislation.

Dickerson reports that rather than rallying against gay marriage, the new conservative Protestants are working to solve problems of poverty, AIDS, and global warming rather than getting entangled in Washington politics. I was struck by how similar these social action based ministires seem to those of our own UU churches. I know that there are many paths that can converge to create a world filled with peace, equality and justice for all. It feels hopeful to see more people on a journey similar to the one that we are walking as UUs. It feels like, yes, all shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

Lori Allen is director of religious growth and learning at the Unitarian Church of Lincoln and the program coordinator of the Prairie Star District's Lifespan Program Area.

by Jennie Groves
A couple of months ago, I had a discussion with Mark Stringer [Minister at the First Unitarian Church of Des Moines] about the direction of religious education programming for our children and youth. I am coming to the end of my two-year term on the RE Council and was explaining to Mark my feeling that in the midst of developing curriculum, recruiting volunteers, and filling in slots when other adult volunteers could not, our wonderfully competent RE director and council never really had the time to develop a clear-cut vision of what our ideal religious education program for children and youth would look like.

In the midst of our conversation, Mark asked, “What do you remember about Sunday school?” I was surprised to find that I didn’t remember much, and of those things that I did recall, none had to do with the actual Sunday school lesson. I remembered the large wooden climbing apparatus that stood in the middle of the elementary school room; the words to the song, “Jesus Loves Me”; the treats at coffee hour; and walking in the woods with my youth group. I also remembered one teacher in particular who told us stories from the Bible. I don’t remember the stories, but I recall that he spoke to us as if we were older than we actually were. I loved that!

Since my chat with Mark, I’ve thought a lot about his question, “What do you remember about Sunday school?” And I’ve thought a lot about my response. I’ve even asked myself, “Does content in children’s programming really matter?” My response is that I believe it does (at least to adults). But I think other things matter more. Programming that instills a sense of community and belonging matters more; lessons that allow for movement and creativity matter. Having fun is important. And as far as content goes: What UU adult would sign up for a class or attend sermons if they weren’t relevant and interesting? Kids are no different.

From my experience as a middle school teacher at a progressive K-8 school in northern Vermont, I have come to believe the following about education of any kind: 1. If given the chance, children and youth are capable of more than we think; 2. Kids learn by doing; 3. There is more than one way to be intelligent (Educator, Dr. Howard Gardner, has found eight ways, as a matter of fact); 4. You can’t be a successful learner if you don’t feel good about yourself; 5. The “right” curriculum and teaching style can make kids feel good about themselves; 6. None of this is possible unless you have parent involvement.

So what does any of this have to do with our own religious education program? At the very least, it’s the beginning of a sort of vision that might be worth considering as our council and working groups develop curriculum and training for the next RE year. But even beyond that, I believe with “a vision,” our church, our religious education program, can serve as a small oasis for our children, in a country where most educational systems use worksheets and textbooks to teach students who are seated in rows, and where media tells our kids how to look, act, and be. With vision, our church can provide a place where children and youth can come together to celebrate who they are, ask questions, challenge ideas, learn, grow, have fun, and do what they do better than almost anyone else—help others.

How do we do it? I believe with our RE director Joan [McDonald]'s leadership, we are on our way there. And as far as vision goes, maybe the question now is: “What do you remember about Sunday school and what do you want our children to remember?”

Jennie Groves is finishing her two-year term on the Religious Education Council at First Unitarian Church of Des Moines.